No Such Thing

If I ever have kids, I'm going to be a weird parent. Aside from the fact that my kids will have a mom with a Johnny Cash tattoo who works at a TV station, I have decided I'm going to ask my children some weird questions after we watch a movie.

Do you think Cinderella had trouble fitting in with Prince Charming's family?

Does being fairy-tale royalty come with health insurance? What do you think happened when Prince Jr. needed braces?

After snagging her dream guy at the age of 16, do you think they stayed together after she went to college?

What did they do when she wanted to go out with her friends and he wanted to stay home and watch TV?

Did they change as they grew up and realize they wanted different things?





It's great he realized he was in love with her instead of the woman he stayed with out of convenience for all those years...

But do you think the ex harassed the new gal with threatening phone calls? Or let the air out of her tires at work?

What kind of strain did that put on their relationship?

Contrary to what pretty much any romantic comedy or television series finale would have us believe, there's no such thing as a happy ending.

I don't mean that in a cynical, emo, "my soul is black and so is the world" way. Just that the idea of an "ending" to anything at all in life is kinda silly.

Maybe I was just an anti-social child who spent too much time at the video rental store or in my room watching TV. I'm probably too old to just now be adopting this outlook, and it's possible everyone else learned this lesson a long time ago. But I think unrealistic expectations have been a big source of stress and disappointment in my life, and I'd suspect it's to blame for a lot of other people's bad attitudes too.

Not that I thought that I was Cher from "Clueless" or Kelly from "Saved by the Bell." But I always thought if were prettier, everything would be great. If I had a Tommy Hilfiger T-shirt, I'd fit in with the popular girls and high school would be awesome. When I find a boyfriend we'll ride off into the sunset together and life will look like a montage from a Taylor Swift music video...

When I graduate college and get a "real job," it'll be smooth sailing. If we can get through this disagreement, our relationship will be nothing but kisses and hugs and laughs and wine.

But life is always one more thing...one more problem, one more stress, one more bill. The way things are at any moment is never how they're going to be forever. That fact is a comfort when you're crying, and a dull ache when you're on top of the world.

My fiance and I will never be "done" making our relationship the best it can be. Even when we've been together for 30 years. I'll never be done looking for challenges at work, or ways to make myself better at whatever it is I'm doing. There's always going to be a future that will bring expenses, sickness, or people who make me want to cry.

And it's these things that make us who we are. A mistake hurts my pride at the time...but I won't slip up in that area next time. A hard week waiting for the next paycheck forces me to look for ways to be smarter with my money.


Being healthy and fit is a journey, not a destination. (Unfortunately!) Everything in life is the same way. Thinking otherwise will make a person disappointed at every turn. We would all be pretty bored if there came a point in life where we were all "done." Done like a delicious chocolate cake with chocolate frosting...mmmmmm...

So, when I say I don't believe in happy endings, I don't mean I don't believe in love or happiness or cute little babies or America or all that stuff.
And I'm not delusional. I know movies and TV shows are just entertainment. A way to escape...and viewers need closure and happy endings.

On that note, I will close by saying, "roll the credits and cue the upbeat '80s radio hit of your choice!"
Hope you enjoyed the show.