No Such Thing

If I ever have kids, I'm going to be a weird parent. Aside from the fact that my kids will have a mom with a Johnny Cash tattoo who works at a TV station, I have decided I'm going to ask my children some weird questions after we watch a movie.

Do you think Cinderella had trouble fitting in with Prince Charming's family?

Does being fairy-tale royalty come with health insurance? What do you think happened when Prince Jr. needed braces?

After snagging her dream guy at the age of 16, do you think they stayed together after she went to college?

What did they do when she wanted to go out with her friends and he wanted to stay home and watch TV?

Did they change as they grew up and realize they wanted different things?





It's great he realized he was in love with her instead of the woman he stayed with out of convenience for all those years...

But do you think the ex harassed the new gal with threatening phone calls? Or let the air out of her tires at work?

What kind of strain did that put on their relationship?

Contrary to what pretty much any romantic comedy or television series finale would have us believe, there's no such thing as a happy ending.

I don't mean that in a cynical, emo, "my soul is black and so is the world" way. Just that the idea of an "ending" to anything at all in life is kinda silly.

Maybe I was just an anti-social child who spent too much time at the video rental store or in my room watching TV. I'm probably too old to just now be adopting this outlook, and it's possible everyone else learned this lesson a long time ago. But I think unrealistic expectations have been a big source of stress and disappointment in my life, and I'd suspect it's to blame for a lot of other people's bad attitudes too.

Not that I thought that I was Cher from "Clueless" or Kelly from "Saved by the Bell." But I always thought if were prettier, everything would be great. If I had a Tommy Hilfiger T-shirt, I'd fit in with the popular girls and high school would be awesome. When I find a boyfriend we'll ride off into the sunset together and life will look like a montage from a Taylor Swift music video...

When I graduate college and get a "real job," it'll be smooth sailing. If we can get through this disagreement, our relationship will be nothing but kisses and hugs and laughs and wine.

But life is always one more thing...one more problem, one more stress, one more bill. The way things are at any moment is never how they're going to be forever. That fact is a comfort when you're crying, and a dull ache when you're on top of the world.

My fiance and I will never be "done" making our relationship the best it can be. Even when we've been together for 30 years. I'll never be done looking for challenges at work, or ways to make myself better at whatever it is I'm doing. There's always going to be a future that will bring expenses, sickness, or people who make me want to cry.

And it's these things that make us who we are. A mistake hurts my pride at the time...but I won't slip up in that area next time. A hard week waiting for the next paycheck forces me to look for ways to be smarter with my money.


Being healthy and fit is a journey, not a destination. (Unfortunately!) Everything in life is the same way. Thinking otherwise will make a person disappointed at every turn. We would all be pretty bored if there came a point in life where we were all "done." Done like a delicious chocolate cake with chocolate frosting...mmmmmm...

So, when I say I don't believe in happy endings, I don't mean I don't believe in love or happiness or cute little babies or America or all that stuff.
And I'm not delusional. I know movies and TV shows are just entertainment. A way to escape...and viewers need closure and happy endings.

On that note, I will close by saying, "roll the credits and cue the upbeat '80s radio hit of your choice!"
Hope you enjoyed the show.

Nothin' But a Good Time...

If you are a musician, or a music lover, you have to appreciate a good performer, even if you're not a huge fan of that person's particular genre of music.

Bret Michaels gets a lot of crap for...a lot of things: the show Rock of Love, his fake hair, wearing eyeliner, sporting his own T-shirts, being in Poison...

The list goes on.

I dragged my heavy-metal-loving fiance to see Bret Michaels at the Shrine Mosque on Thursday. Awww...Mike really loves me. But I sat through GWAR when they opened for Lamb of God in November, so...we're still not even.

I knew I would have a good time. After an opening band that did a rock-n-roll version of "Sweet Caroline" (Yikes!) Mr. Rock of Love ran out on stage to the opening chords of "Talk Dirty to Me."

I can karaoke the buttah out of that song, by the way...

Bret (I don't think he'd mind if I called him Bret) put on a great, high energy show for the next hour and a half. For a guy that had been in the hospital and near death just a few months ago, he gave 110%.

I've been to a lot of concerts in my day, some I'd be embarrassed to admit to. It's always great to see an artist who truly enjoys what they're doing, and really appreciates the audience. You know, when they just have that thing that pulls you in. Makes you forget your feet hurt, that you're getting beer spilled on your shoes, or that the time and hairspray you put into your hair was for nothing because you're at an indoor concert with no air conditioning. In August.

Bret is that kind of performer, and he truly seemed sincerely happy to be playing for us.

Plus, the dude knows why he's famous to anyone under the age of 35. He mentioned "Rock of Love" and thanked VH1...he doesn't try to pretend the reality show involving stripping contests didn't happen. I think that's cool.

The concert was also FUN because Bret knows what people want to hear. He sang some Poison hits ("Fallen Angel," "Unskinny Bop"), a few of his solo songs ("Go That Far"), and did some covers ("Sweet Home Alabama," "Drift Away," "What I Got.")

The audience could sing along with basically everything...isn't that why we go to concerts? So, I'm pretty much going to tell everyone that I partied with Bret Michaels, because last night's concert felt like one big bash. A bash I paid $30 to attend.

I love my share of underground music, and generally tend to rebel against anything "popular." (Current popular country music? No, sir, I don't like it.)
But being a music snob can really keep a person from having a lot of good times. I like a lot of "cheesy" music from the decade I was born in because it's fun!

Even Mike enjoyed the concert. When someone is sincere and passionate about what they're doing and the music they play, it shows...and if you can't jump up and down, clap along with the beat, and sing along, then you're taking life too seriously!

More Like House

One of my guilty pleasure TV shows is "Bridezillas" on WE. Maybe I like it because I can turn to Mike and say, "see...I could be like these beyotches!"

Anyway, my favorite morsel of wisdom from that train wreck-fest comes from an episode where some ghetto-fabulous bride was talking (--screeching--) to a bridesmaid who was freaking out about ...something...something important I'm sure. The bride sasses,

"You at a ten and ya need ta take it down to about a fo' and a half!"

My default is set at about an 8.5. I wish I could be a "fo' and a half." Ever. Anyone who knows me knows I'm super high-strung and quick to freak out. I'm actually better than I used to be, believe it or not.

Which brings me to one of my favorite legitimate television shows. House, M.D. Brilliant. Though I liked the show better with Dr. Cameron, Dr. Foreman, and Dr. Chase.

I was watching a re-run of House on USA this week...I think it was from season 2. Cuddy had forced Dr. House to work in the clinic, and he walked out in the waiting room to offer $50 to any patient who would leave. HA!

All of a sudden a man springs out of his seat, and makes laps around the waiting room...screaming, knocking things over, and holding his head in his hands. Like a 4-year old who's parents wouldn't buy her an Easy Bake Oven or whatever the kids play with these days.

So this dude is going nuts. Just nuts. And Dr. House is just standing there. Watching. Even when the man nearly knocks him over.

Turns out the guy had had a cockroach crawl in his ear. It had started to eat his brain or something. Eeeewwww.

So, would anything have changed if the sexay-est M.D. on TV would have been like, "OMG CALM DOWN...this guy is going crazy...whaddo I dooooooo?!?" No.

The image of Dr. House just standing there, dodging this maniac with a curious, but calm expression on his face just hit me for some reason.

The most random things on TV will speak to me sometimes. I want to be more like Dr. House. I want to be calm. I want to be the one who can think clearly when chaos is going on around me. Losing your cool doesn't change anything. It makes things worse because no one's mind works well when they're frantic.

People have been telling me their own versions of this since I was old enough to worry about when my last "big girl tooth" would grow in. But I think most people have to realize things in their own time, in their own way, so it can make sense and mean something to them.

I obviously prefer to come to life-altering revelations through basic cable re-runs.

Figuring it Out...Keeping it Simple...

Yeah, Yeah, Yeah. SO the initial excitement of getting engaged put me in a state of mind where my eyes were bigger than my wallet. There will still be a wedding, but I haven't quite figured anything out yet.

We're either going to have a par-tay at Springfield Brewing Company or elope. I have bought a dress and would, of course, like as many people to see me in it as possible, so the party is sounding like a good idea.

I discovered I don't think I care enough about the wedding after the initial "WOW" faded to dedicate a whole blog to it, so I'm basically going to make this just my personal blog. Not that I don't care about getting married...but it's frakkin' expensive! And on some level the insanity surrounding them(even on the non-trad wedding sites I follow) seems silly.

Plus, I have recently reunited with my affection for writing. I've been doing more of it at work, so I plan on letting out some creative energy/opinions/etc. on here. Especially things I can't write about at work. Does my morning news show's viewing audience want an in-depth review of next Thursday's Bret Michaels concert...probably not. Do I want to write one? Maybe.

Anyway, it's not going to be a wedding-fest on here because I'm just not a wedding-fest type of girl. But there's a lot of other things I want to write about...and I'm gonna.