My Spot

Minds out of the gutter.

I'm kidding.

Two posts in one day!
I'm off work in the morning, and in a great mood after a good time at a Pampered Chef Party. Yum! Let's just pretend I didn't spend $70.

Anyway...I'd like to use the phrase, "long story short." But I know myself too well so I'll just say I'll make a very long story only semi-long.

I was an English/writing superstar in high school. Everyone told me how good I was at writing poetry, papers, and movie and music reviews. But, as with most things in life there's always someone who's better. Stephanie Hunter.

She wrote this column for the school newspaper that was full of big words, deep, mature thoughts, and clever turns of phrase. In contrast, I wrote a movie review of "What Women Want" starring Mel Gibson that a lot of people liked. I have no clue what Stephanie is doing now, but she made me feel like I wasn't supposed to be a writer.

Almost 10 years later I'm just now figuring things out, becoming my own person, and getting to the place God wants me to be at work, at home, and in my mind and heart.

I say that to illustrate that I had no idea then...I had no idea at 18 when I went off to college...no idea when I kept changing my major...no idea when I planned to run off to Nashville.

My freshman year was spent at Mizzou. I started out as a Journalism major. Then I decided the J-school was too hard so I changed to general media studies. Sophomore year brought me back home to Missouri State University. English Education? Sure, why not.

Then I reunited with my high school dream. I had originally wanted to go to Belmont University in Nashville. I wanted to work in country or Christian music...on a tour...doing something. I'd eventually work up to A & R or marketing at a record company.

I blame this bug on Keith Urban's 2006 CD, "Love, Pain and the Whole Crazy Thing." Love it. One of my favorite CD's EVER. I don't remember why I abandoned my dream in the first place. I know I didn't go to Belmont partly for a relationship that ended when we left for college anyway. Lame.

I graduated from MSU with a Mass Media major/Marketing minor in '07. I still wanted to go to Music City. I'd work on music video sets...I wanted to organize things, call people, do some heavy lifting. I STILL want to work on a televised music awards show someday. I wanted to be a mover and shaker on the Nashville scene. I still want to be Miranda Lambert's BFF.

This was all before the economy went downhill.

But now I'm discovering what I really wanted was to do something that I was meant to do.

Was I meant to be someone's tour manager? Or a record company executive? I don't like where the sound of most country music is headed these days. (It's all the same sound really.) And I've had opportunities to get close to the industry a few times and I frankly don't think I'm enough of an ass to make it in that world.

I'm still here in Southwest Missouri and I think there's a reason. Mike or I would have to get a ridiculous raise that would make it worth a move and the cost of living to leave at this point. I leave that open ended, and will never say never, though!

My father always loved my writing and was always incredibly supportive. He was disappointed when I kinda left that behind. I HATE to say he was right, but...he was.

What I was always after was what I like to call my "Spot." My place...the thing I'm naturally good at without busting my butt trying. The thing that I can do for hours and be amazed that so much time has passed. The thing I look forward to doing.

Not everyone finds their spot. I always thought that I would. Not to say I'm more super-special than anyone else...I've just always wanted a career, not a job. 100% has gone into everything I've done, and I can't give any less. It's just the way I am.

I've been able to do more writing at work in the last couple of months, and I love it! I look forward to going in, the time flies by, and I have heard good things about my work.

The problem? It's not my job. I just do it during the time I used to be bored.

Now I'm pursuing an opportunity to get paid to write. The problem...I have no experience so I'm understandably being kept waiting.

I'd have experience if I had stayed with journalism in the beginning. And, yes, my dad HAS said, "I told you so."

I really want this job. I have so many ideas. I care so much about where I work. I know with some training I can do it. I'm tired of having the word "assistant" in front of my name. This would be MINE and I know I can handle it.

I have found something I'm good at. I'm confident about the things I want to do.

For now, my spot's still open...I just hope if I don't get it this time around, I'll get another chance.