WEDDING UPDATE: What No Bride-to-be Wants to Hear

"It doesn't fit."

Whhhhaaaaat?

Yep, that's what the adorable little alterations gal at Davids Bridal told me Saturday at my fitting.

Here is my dress. Keep in mind I'm not a waify wedding dress model who's being paid to look angelic and virginal and full of wonder.

Anyway...I bought the dress a year ago, so I guess I shouldn't be surprised. But, yeah, the zipper only went about halfway up my back, and I spent all my boob job money on the honeymoon, so that's not the problem.

My mom said it's probably because I have been working out and spending lots of time with p90X Tony, so I am just more muscly.

Muscly and brawny. Like Xena: Warrior Princess.

BUT my story does have a happy ending. The lady in charge of my alterations suggested we make my dress have a corset back!

So that makes my dress a) one of a kind and b) sexier.

And you lucky people will get to look at something like this:





I kid...

I'm hoping for something more like that.

Here's to drinking a Guinness at 10 am on St. Patrick's Day!

Sweet 27

Exactly 1 year ago today, my handsome Mike asked me to marry him. Just a year before that, I had proclaimed I didn't want to get married again until at least 30...

27 is close enough, right? Wait a minute...

I don't like getting older.

I know I'm not old at all, but I feel like it today. My hope is that I can keep working out, eating healthy, and having fun so I can stay as "young" as possible for as long as possible.

I am enjoying my birthday, though! I had to fast for 12 hours for an insurance screening at work, which I handled better than I thought. (No food generally equals grumpy Carrie.) But my pretty Natalie brought me delicious cake pop company cupcakes to make me smile.

Then I embarrassed myself by burying my head in Mike's shoulder while the wellness people took my blood. For the record, getting blood dug out of your finger is way worse than getting a tattoo!

And then I got to go to Olive Garden. I love Olive Garden! And Mike talked me into getting this for dessert...



If you do a Google search for "Olive Garden Chocolate Strata Cake," the first thing that pops up is nutrition info. I didn't want to know how many calories were in that thing!

The sweetest part of my birthday? A 4 day weekend. I need it! These last 2 weeks have been pretty stressful.

I plan on watching evening TV I usually miss when I'm sleeping and getting some wedding stuff done. And yoga...lots of yoga.

Love and hugs!
Carrie

Regret

I know regret is a pretty useless feeling. We can't change the past.

The only thing I can do is make myself better now. But what to do when that just makes me feel worse?

The point? There are people who used to be a big part of my life, who I haven't seen or talked to in years, that didn't get the best me.

Am I the best me now? I certainly hope not. I wish I was calmer, more caring, less selfish, I wish I could learn to let go and live in the moment instead of worrying all the time. I never want to be done growing and changing.

But when I look back, I was...frankly...kind of a bitch all through college.

I had a really good friend in school. I thought we'd be old ladies together, but I haven't seen her for 4 years. I didn't agree with a lot of the decisions she made with her life, and she was hard to deal with sometimes...but who's perfect? Not me. I blew her off a few times when she needed me and just wasn't a very good friend.

And, of course, there's the big oops of my life. The reason I over analyze everything I do. I made a huge decision because parents, church, society...my dumb 21-year-old brain made me think getting married was a good idea.

It wasn't, but not because the guy was a bad guy. Quite the opposite.

Who did what and who's family took over our lives and who did or didn't treat our marriage like it mattered...doesn't matter.

Because no matter what happened, I didn't handle it right.

I was mean. SO mean. I stopped trying very early. No reasonable circumstance should have made me react like that. It wasn't the ideal situation, but I rebelled like a stubborn teenager.

And now I feel like I don't deserve to be where I am now. I wanted to leave him because his family told us I could never get a job anywhere else. Now I have a great job in Springfield and don't really want to leave. I didn't like feeling trapped in a marriage and now I'm 3 months away from walking down the aisle again.

I can't make anything right. But I want to...there's no way to. The only thing I can wish is that these things never happened, and Apple doesn't make time machines yet.

Is this normal? Is this life?